The four behaviors commonly called the Gottman Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. They are discussed as warning patterns associated with relationship distress—not as proven causes of 90% of all divorces. The research sources available for this article do not establish where the 90% figure comes from, what it measures, or which couples or divorces it refers to.
What are the four behaviors linked to divorce?
The Four Horsemen framework describes communication behaviors that can damage a relationship when they become recurring patterns. A summary of the Four Horsemen framework and examples of these behaviors identifies them as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The examples below are illustrations, not diagnostic criteria.
- Criticism: Attacking a partner’s character or personality instead of raising a specific concern. For example, saying, “You’re selfish,” rather than explaining that you felt hurt when a plan was changed.
- Contempt: Communicating disrespect or superiority through mockery, sneering, eye-rolling, or belittling sarcasm. The issue is not simply disagreeing; it is treating the other person as inferior or unworthy of respect.
- Defensiveness: Deflecting responsibility when a partner raises a concern—for instance, responding with blame or excuses rather than first considering what they are saying.
- Stonewalling: Withdrawing from an interaction and no longer engaging. Someone might go silent or turn away during a difficult conversation. A brief pause to calm down is not automatically stonewalling; the concern is a recurring withdrawal that leaves issues unaddressed.
A description of the four behaviors also lists these same patterns. But identifying one during an argument does not prove that a couple will divorce. Frequency, context, and the overall pattern matter, and the supplied evidence does not support treating the behaviors as a formula that determines an individual couple’s future.
Does the evidence show that they cause 90% of divorces?
No. The available sources name the Four Horsemen and discuss them as predictors or warning patterns, but they do not substantiate the claim that the four behaviors cause 90% of all divorces. They also do not provide the study design, population, or outcome that would explain what the percentage means. It should not be repeated as an established divorce statistic.
It is also important to distinguish a predictor from a cause. A behavior described as a predictor may be associated with a greater risk or signal relationship difficulty; that does not prove that it caused a particular divorce. A reported reason is different again: it is what someone says contributed to their own divorce.
Are these the most common predictors or reasons for divorce?
The Four Horsemen framework is a way to describe communication patterns, not a universal ranking of why marriages end. In a study of 52 divorced people who had participated in a particular premarital relationship program, participants most often reported lack of commitment, infidelity, and too much conflict or arguing as major contributors. The study of participants’ retrospective reports about divorce also found that infidelity, aggression or emotional abuse, and substance use were commonly identified as final-straw issues.
Those findings come from a small, specific group and from people reflecting on past relationships. They do not establish a universal ranking of divorce causes or a rule for predicting what will happen to other couples. Conflict or arguing may overlap with unhealthy communication, but the study’s reported reasons and the Four Horsemen are not the same kind of measure.
Are these behaviors signs that a relationship will not last?
Repeated criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling may be reasons to pay attention to how a couple handles conflict. They are not a validated three-sign test, a diagnosis, or a guarantee that a relationship will end. A single argument—or one instance of a behavior—cannot establish that a couple is headed for divorce.
If these patterns keep returning, it may help to notice what happens during disagreements and whether both partners can discuss concerns without ongoing insults, blame, or withdrawal. Couples who want help changing those interactions can consider professional relationship support. Thinking about personal boundaries can also be useful; our guide to relationship deal breakers and red flags can help readers consider that question without treating any one behavior as automatic proof that a relationship must end.